Whaa happenin' to yua my dear?

I don't know!

I should be writing right now about one of my favourite places, it's a wonder place, surrounded by fruit trees, it must be so easy to write about such a place and I love it so much, but instead, I'm here, on my own for a few hours, doing nothing at all but listening to songs on my phone with my headphones on, and shouting them, without caring at all if anyone else hears me, I don't care, really. Not at all. But that's not what I was willing to do.

I don't know what 's happening to me lately. I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that I don't sleep well. But I do not absolutely feel as if I were awake all the time. Indeed I feel as if I were living in a dream all the day long. It's weird. Really. 

Well, I guess it could be worse. But I hate that feeling of not being able to get over it once for all. And I feel so useless. I'm here, but my head isn't. My head is elsewhere and I don't know when it'll come back actually.

I have turned off the music. I want to write. I need to.

Why is it so hard and painful?